For some it’s the warmth, others it’s the presence and for majority, it’s being able to wake up next to someone, to feel something other than alone when their eyes open. For me it’s about the touch, the sound. I guess that’s what I miss when I’m alone. It’s memorizing the pattern in the thumping of their heart beat while you carefully rest your cheek on their chest. It’s their grip on your arm, leg, side, ribs - their way of pulling you close while they sleep, like a childhood teddy bear, a comfort from the dangers that lurked under the bed when you were ten. The feeling of the soft breath on your hair line, sending a quick chill bouncing down the length of your spine. But my favourite was the tracing of their fingers along your skin. Their delicate touch while together you drift off into subconsciousness, tracing numbers, letters, patterns, thoughts into your skin. Unknown to you, and perhaps to them. I still remember a time where I would scribble “I love you” over and over into my boyfriend’s arm, back, chest - three words that I really believed I felt. It was about the compassion. The moments before you fall asleep I believe are the ones that make you really fall for someone. These are the moments where we are most vulnerable, but the most beautiful. It’s when our guards are finally let down and our hearts are completely open. But we’re able to drift off with the feeling of protection, with those warm arms around our half naked bodies - tracing love notes into our skin until finally their grip loosens slightly and their breathing becomes more intrinsic. Their heart slows, and for a second, you think it might stop, like the world might stop spinning. This is what I yearn for when I’m falling asleep at night. A body pressed up against mine, fingers - laced between the spaces of mine, the warmth keeping my feeble bones alive and the feeling of being the last thing on someone’s mind. If I could re-live any moments of my past, it would be these. Remembering the last things on my mind - always those of utter passion and emotion for the arms that I was ever-so-slowly drifting off into. I miss these memories. Those short minutes where I fell for each and every one of you.
(via kaliplease)